When my parents gave me my Chinese name (well, they named me after Britain’s Princess Anne), they probably didn’t know that its meaning would be such a big part of my healing journey.
Pronounced “An”, the middle character of my name means safety. It could also mean peace and comfort.
Without realizing it, as an adult I was always looking for safety. I hung on to relationships and situations so that I could feel secure, even when they weren’t good for me anymore. In my twenties and up to mid–thirties, I took plenty of risks whilst somehow still seeking safety at the same time. Then after my father passed away at that point, I began to stop taking risks and started clinging more onto what made me feel safe.
Whether it was money or extra pounds or relationships that I had long outgrown, I gathered them around me and even tightened my grip on them. If they left, I would have found it too vulnerable and insecure.
I remember traveling the world alone doing business in countries I wasn’t familiar with, bubbling with eagerness and excitement to welcome a new culture into my sensory experiences and allow myself to be influenced by people who lived differently than I did. I was thirsty to engage and to be changed.
Then, seeking comfort and safety somehow turned me more inward. Although I really enjoy and cherish this sanctuary I’ve created for myself, along with all the quiet peace and stillness in my life, I wonder if I have exchanged adventure for safety…perhaps a safety I don’t really need.
I heard somewhere that safety is for children because children aren’t aware of what might be dangerous to them. Adults, on the other hand, have this awareness and thus don’t need the protective boundaries which keep us safe. We already know not to touch a hot stove and because of this awareness, it means we can pursue adventure with a sense of responsibility toward ourselves (not reckless danger).
I tend to dream very magically, and to me, adventure is synonymous with magic. Recently I had a realization that I believed in magic only in some areas of my life but not in others, where I tend to be too realistic and too practical…which helps not when one wants to live a life that’s full of magic. That’s the kind of existence I am inviting into my life: full–blown magic.
Some of the best adventures I’ve had were the ones going inward: discovering gifts and aspects of myself that laid dormant before, or healing a very deep wound that I didn’t realize went that deep. The best adventures were revealing the depth of my inner beauty or just how blissed out and still I could be while being grounded and engaged with the world.
Healing is definitely an area where I don’t feel a need for safety. I feel comfortable opening up any issue and going where I’ve never gone. I used to feel this way about business too, and still do, which has enabled me to trailblaze and pioneer (and least in my imagination, for now!).
The best kind of safety, if there is one, can be thought of as a sense of groundedness or security. I know that when I have support from my person, I feel “safe”, so to speak, to go out and make magic. Some people might need a certain amount of money in the bank to feel comfortable to take risks. Everyone will have different requirements.
But for me, I’m feeling that all I need is my breath. The breath connects me to the infinite realm of the universe where all creation has manifested and all solutions exist. The universe also has infinite abundance and infinite support which we can access and receive at any time. So it is not necessary for a certain amount of money or certain people to be in our corner in order for us to take risks. We can take them now!
If you are familiar with the tarot, one of the most dreaded cards that people hate is the ‘Tower’ card. It’s the card of destruction. The image is of two people falling out of the sky from a burning building that’s just been struck by lightning. People hate this card (with good reason) because in a nutshell, it means everything is hitting the fan.
I think I’ve pulled the Tower card every week for the past two years, and guess what, I’m still standing! How I feel about getting the Tower card is usually one of two emotional responses: either it’s laughter because I just have to laugh at life sometimes, or it’s relief because it means the Universe is about to take away everything I didn’t want anyway.
Now my attitude is: TAKE IT ALL AWAY GOD, PLEASE AND THANK YOU! And I smile and go about moving forward.
More and more, I’m not as afraid of being wrong as I’ve felt the last few years. I’ve learned to sync myself with the Earth’s heartbeat (Schumann Resonance) and I feel heartfully connected with everyone on this planet. This nourishes me and makes me feel I’m not alone, even though everyone is technically a stranger.
And even if we were ‘wrong’ to have taken a risk, it was never really wrong—not in our soul’s perspective anyway. On the universal plane, there is no such thing as safety, because there is no such thing as danger (it’s all an illusion).
I affirm now, for me and for you, that we don’t need safety. May adventures and loving and prosperous magic run through every area of our lives and bodies, bringing love, joy and peace!
La la la!